Why local universities products are full of SHIT?

Memo to all students:

In order to assure the highest level of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. that you can handle.

Students who do not take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they do not have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURER LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.).

Sincerely,
The Director Under the Malaysia Bureau of Super High Intensity Teaching (The D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.)

A letter: This is how most of UUM student will write

Dear Ah Lian,

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.

You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok poperly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week he take I, Muthu and few of his friend to May Nonel to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye...

Worm regard,

Ah Beng
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Now tell me, who will want to hire people who write like THAT?!!! Not surprisingly, a lot of them are unemployed because they made a fool of themselves during job interviews. And yet the lecturers/vive-chancellors/officers from public universitites are still barking up the wrong tree, i.e. form a committee to look into the problem, come up with brilliant ideas to SOLVE the problem, cancel the whole idea when it didn't work, follow other countries' education system, etc.

Look at the quality of students nowadays. They are seriously deteriorating! No, the ministry obviously IS doing something about it and millions of ringgit has been spent to form a committee/look into problem/propose ideas/change system to follow other countries'.

In a nutshell, I only have two words to describe about the whole thing: WRONG APPROACH!

5 down, 1 more to go

Just finished my blardy 5th paper this morning which was Property and Liability Insurance II. Thanks to those who wished me luck because I really need the LUCK for this paper. FYI, I have no confidence in this paper at all.

You see, for the whole semester, we sat through sucky presentations by different groups on different chapters covering the whole syllabus for the semester. As I've said earlier, students just love to cramp everything from an American version textbook into the slides making the presentation meaningless. I don't understand the book at all, never mind them. But what they did was trying to be smart and include all the useless information i.e. US law, US exclusions in their insurance policies, US provisions in their insurance policy, limitations in the US insurance policies, etc. Hello? We are studying the Property and Liability Insurance of MALAYSIA, why the hell you went and put all those useless information? It is not like we are all going to live in US of A one day! Well, some people are just as DUNGU as you can imagine!

Anyway, back to the exam, when I went through (yeah, right!) the notes this morning at around 7am (yes, I am a procrastinator, I study last minute, really last minute - exam started at 8.30am) I could not understand a word of the things that I read. The only similarity that caught my attention in almost every type of liability insurance available is "bodily injury and property damage". And that was all I know.

I looked at the questions in amazement. I glanced over at Foo Kiat and saw him shaking his head and sighing every now and then. I knew everyone in the room must be having the same thought. We've been screwed! Six questions were asked (and I mean REALLY 6 questions only, with no sub-questions like any other structured questions might have) each carrying minimum 15 marks, the rest 15, 16, 16, 18 and 20 marks. You say, ridiculous or not? And I was crapping less than 50% of the page for that minimum 15 marks! There were seriously nothing to write about! I wonder how the hell Mr Shahrul marks our answer scripts.

*shakes head*

Nothing much could be done even though almost everyone was complaining. We've just been screwed! Big time! Ah, well, I've sat for 5 papers, that means ONE more to go before I get the hell out of here. Employee Benefit Management. I wonder what the hell is there to manage anyway since the employee and employer must contribute to EPF and also SOCSO as imposed by the government. Well, you know, education system in Malaysia really suck big time. It really screws undergrads! We have to take a course on Takaful, Reinsurance, Employee Benefit Management and the likes for one whole blardy semester when the things we need to know about that particular course are common sense/general knowledge. Some people just do not have cow sense!

Pardon my rantings. Lack of sleep due to last minute process of absorbing-as-much-information-as-you-can really got me short-tempered. Time to hit the bed now!

F-A-T, B-O-R-E-D, G-E-T-M-E-O-U-T-T-A-H-E-R-E

Being fed with 2 meals of Kolo Mee a day for a week and tell me whether you get F-A-T around the tummy area (or arms, or butt for that matter) or not?

Thanks to Alvin for feeding me non-stop with lard-laden food all the time! Also to Uncle and Auntie Chong who insisted me to "Chiak chiak chiak" and "make yourself at home" during meals! *bawls* How the hell can I resist food???

When I am in UUM, I EAT TO LIVE but once I get the hell outta here, I LIVE TO EAT!!!

The modes are interchangable. Everything seems inedible without lard or pork here and therefore the eating just to survive. You must be thinking 'that bad huh?' Yes, it is. Being stuck here with those kind of food for two years - same taste, same name, same price, same food - you say sien or not lah!?!

Hopefully I can lose the unwanted flabby tummy before I left. In the mean time, still waiting to sit for the remaining blardy 4 papers. They so happened to be of insurance paper: Insurance Company Operation, Risk Management, Property and Liability Insurance, Employee Benefit Management. Can die lah!

Since I do not have exam everyday, life has been bored. Life has been routine here especially during exams because we do not attend lectures already. Waking up at noon is nothing to be bragged about. Having lunch at 3pm is so common. Going back to sleep after that would be a routine. Waking up just in time for dinner before falling back to sleep till noon the next day is something that everyone is doing. Maybe not everyone. Maybe it is just me. LOL!!!

*fingers cross*

Fast fast finish the damn exam and get out of here!

*dreaming* ~Kim Gary's French Toast & Yin Yong, KFC's Original Recipe Chicken & Coleslaw, Secret Recipe's Chocolate Indulgence & New York Cheese, McD's Double Cheese Burger, Kuching Kolo Mee, Sibu Kampua, midin, Sarawak Laksa, Buntal Seafood, etc....damn! I want those food!

F-A-T, exhausted, 2 down 4 to go

Was having eating marathon ever since the plane touchdown at the Kuching Internatioal Airport until I left the cat city. Meow~

Had my first dinner at The Banquet. Ordered lamb chop but the portion was so little that I had my first Kolo Mee for supper a few hours later. The whole week when I was at the cat city, I had Kolo Mee for breakfast and supper EVERYDAY and I was not complaining. I was fed with pork, pork and more pork from the moment I opened my eyes till the moment I close my eyes but I was not complaining. In fact, I was thankful for that. Well, as a pork-deprived person, I'd swallow at anything containing pork, sinfully or not. And I felt a lot smarter after consuming those pork!

The very next morning after arriving, my first take on the Laksa that I've been craving for since god-knows-when was heavenly. I gorged down a bowl and a half of Laksa like no tomorrow and there were still rooms for some You Char Kuay dipped in kaya. Oh, I wish I have those pictures to post them up. I'll do it as soon as possible.

It has been 4 days since I left the land of head-hunters and I've been complaining ever since. I whined about missing Kolo Mee and Laksa less than 24 hours after I got here. Anyway, what I miss most are those homecooked dishes by Uncle Chong - Yong Taufu dipped in Auntie Chong's chilli sauce. Heaven! Also Grandma's Chicken Curry and Ginger Chicken as well as her chilli sauce. Double heaven!

Back to pork-deprived self after coming back to the jungle, I felt a lot stupider without pork. How the hell am I gonna pass the blardy exam without pork??? *wails*

Oh by the way, I survived through two papers for the past 2 consecutive days. I realized that I sent in 12 pages of bullshits for my Business Law paper which would only mean one thing: DIE! Seriously, I did not study for that paper at all and you know how law paper can be. I stared blankly at the paper for the first 10 minutes and then decided to be a law creator myself. Therefore, I created my own law, created the section under the specified act...and man, could I be a better crapper!

Then yesterday was the Computer Application for Management paper which I pressumed to be a piece of cake but it turned out that it was not. My notes looked easy with a picture of a computer and the names of its different parts like monitor, mouse, keyboard, CPU, etc. I thought something as easy would come out. Instead they asked to state 2 functions of the CPU, the 2 types of images, how to create a bitmap image, etc thing like that. I just did not know! I could answer the Internet part pretty easily because I use that everyday. Eg: Function of URL, list the Internet services, etc. I admit of being a computer illiterate, so sue me!

I need more pork for the remaining 4 papers!

Presentation before getting the hell out of here

19th April 2007 - The Presentation

There was a presentation this day for Employee Benefit Management and my group was to present on Social Insurance: Malaysia vs Cyprus. I only received the slides the other group members had done the day before and I was horrified to see the rubbish and junk they had created out of it. I told them I'd like to re-do the whole thing A.S.A.P. and email it to them right after I finished. I headed to the computer lab right away and started working on the slides. It took me 2 hours to get it done. Well, some people just love to shove everything into the slides so that they could just read the text off the slides with all the pronounciation mistakes monotonously till I puke!

We volunteered to present second to see how the first group done their presentation. I think Ahmad just wanted to boost some ego and gain confidence before our turn. I admitted that our group did a pretty great job in our presentation (not trying to be lansi) because we managed to put up some a-few-seconds funny movie clips before we started. We cracked the class. That gained some credits I think. The 3 guys who presented before me weren't too bad but they say the last is always left for the best *damn kembang* When it came to my turn, I just rattled on with ease trying not to sound too English (as if) Haha! So I added some -lah initially but the -lah just didn't seem to blend, so I did not attempt to add them in anymore.

After finished bla bla bla-ing, came the Q&A session which I quite feared because I did not do my homework on the topic and my knowledge was limited to the part that I presented. I was hoping for my group members to take over the session but Mdm Arpah inisted that we answered in English when Ahmad wanted to answer in BM. He was struggling to answer the questions in English and that was when the hero, in this case, heroine, ME came to the rescue! LOL!!!

I knew nuts about what was going on or the questions asked but I didn't let that show on my face. Setting the debator mode in me, I managed to answer most of the questions, which were not in the scope of the slides (mostly asked by Ah Fat), without blinking. Luckily I knew enough crap to get me through that! Hahahaha!!! Well, I got a few thumbs up for my so-called 'brilliant' answers! *double kembang*

After we were done, we went back to our seat and were greeted by a round of applause. I was told that Mdm Arpah announced that she'd given us the highest mark of 19/20 for our presentation. HOORAYYY!!! *triple kembang* I was pretty pleased with that because I really did not expect to get such high marks for presentation, especially group presentation.

MARIM Student Chapter AGM

Friday the 13th, 8pm. Location: Dewan Serbaguna, Kolej Kediaman Telekom.

Malaysian Association of Risk and Insurance Management (MARIM) Student Chapter Annual General Meeting

With a fellow coursemate, Foo Kiat, we took up the posts as the emcees for the event. No, we are both inexperienced in emcee-ing but we did a pretty good job that night.

As a matter of fact, yours truly have always had stage fright and are scared shitless to speak to a group of eight people, never mind a hall full of audience! I'd shake nervously and my knees would go weak, the symptoms that would affect my speech very much. However, yours truly decided to overcome her fear of public speaking last year by joining the English Speaking Union-Public Speaking Competition 2006. The experience was priceless. But the fear is still there. Then last month, yours truly decided to take a step further to encounter her fear of public speaking head-on. Upon being requested to join the Women's IV Debate Tournament 2007 at such short notice, I volunteered without hesitation (only to regret it after that) even though I had no experience whatsoever in debating. I did my best and the experience was indeed undescribable even though the nervousness is still there to haunt me all the time.

However, taking up the post of emcee wasn't as challenging as public speaking competition and a debate tournament. But being an emcee was fun when the whole event depended very much on you - yes, you got to get the audience's attention, take control of the event, speak clearly (audibly) and be charismatic without potraying the impression of trying too hard. Well, being elegant and self-confidence is another thing for emcees. With all the requirements in the package, you are the boss of the event!

Yes, I still get to camwhore with my fellow coursemates and my lecturer, Mr. Shahrul Nizam Ahmad - the bespectacles guy with moustache wearing a long-sleeves shirt standing in the middle, who taught us Property and Liability Insurance I and II. This year he's the Head of Risk and Insurance Managment Department of our faculty. Highly recommended lecturer for taking up his classes. No regrets.The lady wearing floral shirt in the middle is one of my favourite lecturer, Dr. Lim Chee Chee who taught us Life and Health Insurance last semester, Risk Management for this semester. Another highly recommended lecturer because she gives away marks pretty easily and attending her class is fun because she allows us to talk and receive calls, etc. LOL~!!! Oh, and you are allowed to fish (sleep) in the class as well!

Some of my coursemates
(I don't even know the names of some of them)

Photo-taking session with the emcees
L-R (seated): Ah Long, Khai and Keat
L-R (standing): Yours Truly, Foo Kiat and Pao Li

While Foo Kiat chats with Mr Shahrul, yours truly took the opportunity to be in the spotlight! She's just like a penguin, ain't she? I mean the girl on the lower left corner of the pics.

In a nutshell, it was an eventful night. Being an emcee was not at all hard and need no effort at all. Being impromtu is the easiest because if there's a prepared text, it cramps my style! Hahaha!!! At the end of the night, Dr Lim told me that I did a pretty good job *smile* I'd love to become the emcee again in the future events.

No water...AGAIN???!!!

During the Insurance Company Operation lecture just now, a coursemate received an SMS from his residential college's principal saying that their college has no more water.

WTF!!!

I mean, we are still recovering from the trauma of braving a week without a drop of water and now they are saying that we will be having another water crisis???

WTF!!!

Luckily the lecturer let us go after 15 minutes (YAY!). When we were on our way back to our repective hostel, the bus over-take a lorry carrying water. So it was true, huh? SHIITTEE!!! I still got a pail of dirty clothes soaking in my room since this morning! I rushed back to my hostel and guess what I saw upon arriving outside my block?

Three huge empty buckets sitting there under the blardy hot sun waiting and smirking as if saying, "Nyek! Nyek! You girls gotta use us soon! Better treat us nicely when you girls push each other to get water from us. Otherwise, if we self-combusted, life will be hell for you all. Hiak hiak hiak~!!!"

Ignoring the sinister laughter that followed, I practically ran back to my room, tossed my bag across the room, ripped off my clothes and changed them into normal clothes before grabbing the pail of soaked clothes to the washing area and rinsed everything clean.

As I was washing, I heard the toilet being flushed a number of times. Well, I guessed people just have to clean their colon before the water crisis struck.

To cut the long story short, right after I washed my clothes and hanged them to dry, empty my colon and rinsed off the last drop of soap off my body, the shower automatically went off. Thank heaven and earth!!! Then I heard commotions from outside. People are talking. Some girl went into the shower next to mine and screamed, "AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! NO MORE WATER!!!" LOL!!!

Ouch! That hurt my eardrums wei! Nevermind, I had everything done already~! Cheers~!!!

Then baru I sat down to have my lunch while watching some Hong Kong drama. PHIEW!!! Can die lar from all the rush! Man, I really want to get outta here but a stupid assignment is holding me back!

*double sigh~!*

WTF!!! Moment

During the water crisis last week in UUM, we were given emergency leave for 2 days starting Monday, which meant that classes resumed on Wednesday. However, it is weekend for me from Thursday till Saturday. What the hell could I do on Monday and Tuesday without a single drop of water? And I could actually skip classes on Wednesday and get out of here as soon as possible, as far as possible on Monday but there was a blardy Insurance Company Operation mid-semester examination which so happened must fall on Wednesday. To add salt to the wound, it was to be held at 12.30 noon.

So, I thought, maybe I could get my lecturer to postpone the exam to next week. Together with two other guys (my coursemates - Kiki and Kum Chye), we went to the lecturer's room to attempt talking her to postpone the exam.

Kiki: Puan, boleh postpone exam tak?
Lect: Tak boleh, tak boleh!
Clare: Kenapa tak boleh?
Lect: The holiday is until Tuesday and your exam is on a Wednesday. I guess Wednesday is not a Tuesday, right?
Clare: [rolled eyes, thinking] DUH! I know that, IDIOT!
Kiki: Postpone the exam lah. There is no water and we want to go back.
Lect: You can go back now and come and sit for the exam on Wednesday.
Kiki: [pointing at Kum Chye] He's from Johore.
Lect: I will go back also after this...
Clare: [Tulan already, interrupted] And you'd think that I'll fly back to Sarawak for only 2 days just to take bath???
Lect: [Quick quick change topic] Now, now...you are Risk Management student, you should know what to do in situation like this. What if you company is facing a sudden crisis, and you'll just run back home?
Me: [thinking] WTF?!! Now we are having water crisis and we are blardy frustrated already and you are concerned about the company that we haven't even worked in! And you are running back too, aren't you...yeah, yeah your home is just a short driving distance from UUM and you blardy selfishly can go home anytime you want!
Me: I am aware of that, but obviously with the water crisis, we are already too frustrated and how on earth can we study under this kind of situation?
Lect: We cannot do anything because we have booked the place and it is hard to get another place if we postpone the exam, this is all about negotiating, you know? And the exam is only 25%, you can skip it altogether!
Me: [thinking] HAH! Trying to psycho us ar? ONLY 25%?! Okay, we get it. You are just too blardy lazy to look for another place and obviously you suck in negotiating, that's why you do not want to go through all that hustle.
Me: Can't you just postpone it and we can do it during class???
Lect: No, we can't do that. It's all about negotiating. And we are looking for a suitable and condusive place for you guys to sit for the exam. You can easily copy each other's answer if we do it in class.
Me: [thinking] We get the picture, alright! You are just too lazy to look for a place and you suck at negotiating! PERIOD! Condusive my ass! As if you know what's best for us! Postpone the exam and we will be happy, you will also be happy, get it?
Me: Other lecturers can do it in the class and have no problems or complains about it. Why can't we do the same? Postpone the exam so that we can get out of here and have clean water.
Lect: No, no! The exam will still be on whether you stink or not. I have a baby at home and my baby needs to drink as well. That's why I am going home later.
Me: [thinking] Ya, ya...now, drag your whole family into the picture then. You are implying that your baby needs to drink milk, but we need not? Your baby needs to bath and we need not? You and your baby can go home and take your sweet time, drinking milk till his/her stomach exploded and take bath till you dissolve in the water for all I care! Obviously you are not putting your brain into gear before putting your mouth in motion, as usual. We drink more milk than your baby okay, and our body surface area is larger than your stupid baby, we need more water than that creature, why don't you just bring a whole tank of water for us when you can easily compare us with your baby?
Me: ............
Lect: Now, I have something to attend to but the exam will still be on.
Kiki: So it is still the same time and place?
Lect: Yes (closed her door)

And the three of us left the place, cursing and swearing like nobody's business!

*I cannot really said all of those words I was thinking fearing the idiotic lecturer beh song me and failed my paper then I'll be a dead meat.

WTF!!!

I (and a lot of us) cannot get out of this stinking place because of that blardy exam and that lecturer just did not want to postpone it under whatever circumstances. I was thinking of hiring a bombing squad from Thailand to blast this university so that I won't suffer dehydration and serious case of self-induced constipation (the toilet stinks to the maximum, you'd rather hold your shit inside) anymore.

The very next day, the electricity was suddenly cut off in the middle of hot and sunny afternoon when I was napping. That was when I received an SMS from a coursemate saying that the emergency had been extended to Wednesday!

WTF!!!

And I wasted one day here and suffer for nothing???

WTF!!!

This was my WTF moment:

WTF - Will Talk for Food

Stinking Students = Stinking University

With the current water crisis that has swept northern part of Kedah, UUM is equivalent to a rubbish dump!

Lectures resumed per usual yesterday but after the 8am class, it was declared emergency and classes for yesterday and today are officially cancelled due to the water shortage. In Risk Management class yesterday, we were dismissed early because the air-conditioner of that class was not functioning and sitting in the first row, I could see clearly that Dr. Lim (the lecturer) was sweating like nobody's business, poor her!

A lot of students packed their bags and headed straight home. And for students from overseas (Sabah and Sarawak) like me and down south (Malacca and Johore) are here to stay whether we like it or not.

The toilet stinks to its maximum. Flies seem to migrate here from everywhere in the world and infest this place. People here stinks too. You can get the strongest stench in the bus and in the lecture hall, no doubt about it. Wear a protective mask, if you must, because you are so going to be poisoned by the body odour emitted by the homo sapiens especially those with strong BO under their arms and body. *faints*

Piece of advise: stay very far away from this state. Don't step your foot here if you have no business whatsoever here. Even in the event of life and death!

*Man, someone is stinking in this computer lab, I can hardly breath!

Water Crisis

When I was in Cyberjaya, I received an SMS from Kee Siong, a junior from hometown that said:

"Makluman dari JBA daerah JITRA: Loji pembekalan air di WANG TEPUS, JITRA mengalami kerosakan pam akibat ditenggelami air. Seluruh kawasan JITRA, BUKIT KAYU HITAM & UUM mengalami gangguan bekalan air. Bekalan air akan disambung selewat-lewatnya petang esok. JPP telah menghantar air ke kolej-kolej kediaman."

So, I thought 'petang esok' I was still in Cyberjaya and there would not be a problem when I got back to UUM. Somewhat somehow, on Sunday night, I reached UUM to an ugly scene of girls sitting by the parking lot outside my hostel hugging empty pails waiting for the lorry which carried the water to come.

Amazing! Their 'petang esok' can be so damn long!!!

I was carrying with me a bottle of 5-litre drinking water and I shouted to the crowd:

Me: Who wants clean WATER???
A junior girl: I want!
Another girl: I also want!
Me: Sure! I'll sell this for RM1000 per litre. How about that?
Them: Wah! Like that also can ar? So expensive wan!
Me: Take it or leave it...high demand but NIL supply! *laughing evilly*

I know! I am mean, I am well aware of that, thank you! I just couldn't help it!

The Spring Fest Exhibition Competition: The Winner Is...

After the judging and marking, the VVIP came for the opening ceremony for the Spring Fest. Initially I though who the hell they called the VVIP and the word Very Very Idiotic Person kept crossing my mind like crazy. And that person turned out to be the Deputy Vice Chancellor, Datuk-something-the-hell-I-care! True enough, the VVIP *snickered

He said to me: You are supposed to wear the cheongsam
Me: We are multi-cultured
Him: [diam diam] Hahaha!
Me: [thinking] Pervert old man! Old like chai po (a type of salty vegetable) still oogling girls ar! Want me to wear cheongsam for you to see hia? What's next? *but I just smiled anyway

He signed on our autograph section. So that next time can imitate his signature and sign a lot of 'legal' documents to pass all his property to me hoh! LOL!!!

After he went around oogling at girls at every booth, the prize-giving ceremony began...

Ladies and gentlemen, our effort was paid off but not so handsomely. We won!

There's Kenny claiming the 2nd Runner Up hamper and trophy from the Deputy VC

Kenny and the gang cam-whoring with the prize

That night, Kenny and the gang celebrated and opened the hamper together like a happy family lidat.

Peace and Harmony!

My Personal Message to Kenny and the gang:
Cheers! and Congratulations! to Kenny and the gang for all of your hard work - the class-skipping ordeal, the staying up till the wee hours in the morning just to finish this thing, the long walk carrying the heavy pot of flower all the way to the library, the headaches over limited materials, the frustrations over limited budget, etc. And yet we never fought or quarreled. You guys (me included) are the BEST!

The Spring Fest Exhibition Competition: The Judges

The cam-whoring session for the album after the decorating task before the judges came

L-R: Clare, Glynnis, Felicia, Tammy, Jie Lun, Tony, Kenny and William
Not in picture: Jeff, Little Goat (Xiao Yang from China) and Little Worm (Xiao Chong also from China)

I was asked to get ready by the booth when the judge made his/her round at the booth before ours. Of course I did not prepare a speech of any sort. I thought it would be better for me to do an impromptu presentation based on the exhibits we had at our booth.

Here came the first judge, a lecturer who taught English For Higher Education:
I tried to impress her with my oh-so-overly-fake ang moh but I do not think that I sounded fake lor. Because hor, you see the crowd that I attracted.
Tough lady, I must say. She didn't smile the whole time I was talking. Keeping a straight face to instill fear in me? Not that easy, lady!

Well, she seemed impressed though. I was never this serious when it comes to presentation but my team leader, Kenny said the rest of the competition were left for me to give my best shot. We did the whole thing round the clock so, not wanting to disappoint anyone in the team, I just did what I do best - Crapping! LOL!!!

Then came the next judge, a lecturer from God-knows-where:"Good afternoon, sir. I am Clare, representing MISC Residential College to give you a brief tour regarding our concept of 'Peace and Harmony' and the main objective behind our exhibit with limited budget and resources. Now, as you can see over here,...bla bla bla..."This guy was better. Well, at least he smiled. That gave me a confident boost to crap even more! Hahaha!!!
The day after that, came another judge, the project director of the whole Spring Fest thingy. He is just a student like me. In fact I know him pretty well. Not that I wanted to belittle him but I think he doesn't even understand half of what I was saying! See that moronic look on his face...Hahahah!!! No offence, Thian Chai!

This guy just nodded and nodded, didn't say anything, didn't smile...that got me nowhere as I did not know what interest him...so I just quickly end my bullshitting and SAU KUNG!!!

The Spring Fest Exhibition Competition 1

The week was hectic and it actually drove me up the wall and tempted me to hang myself. There were 2-day Spring Fest Exhibition Competition where we were supposed to decorate the vacant booth with a theme "Peace and Harmony", there was a presentation for my Property and Liability Insurance class and I just have no idea what was I preparing, a Business Law mid-semester examination and a Blogger Together Gather Party, all cramped into 1 week, starting Sunday. Forget the presentation and exam because those were not the fun part. I've blogged about the party but not the exhibition.

An empty booth was given and we were expected to decorate it with whatever we could think of in 4 hours. Not that we were not prepared, we had but the organizing committee was very uncertain in telling us the facilities we would be supplied that we could not come up with something unique.

After working like dogs for 4 straight hours, our booth looked something like this.

The other residential colleges used red as their background colour as well as their theme. But we opt for peach because we distorted the theme a bit and came up with "Peach and Harmony".

I contributed the mandarin oranges as they were almost dehydrated and it was really a picturesque view from a certain angle.The background was the other booth opposite ours.Our signature Wishing Tree which was supposed to be a pussy willow but turned into a wishing tree as more and more people thronged our booth to write their wishes FOC. Guess how much the cost of the whole tree?

In that two days, I have to give three presentations regarding the things that we displayed and a little bullshit and craps here and there. Two impromptu presentations on the first day, just to impress the judges (both are language lecturers) with my purposely faked ang moh and another impromptu presentations on the second day for the third judge with yet another faker ang moh because I know the third judge's level of ang moh very the jia lat. Hahaha!!! Just to impress all of them, you know, ass-kissing and boot-licking, etc. LOL!!!

In that two days also, you'll see me switching from my fitting Kebaya to........

...the more fitting, midriff revealing SARI!!!
Vanekkam!

*to be continued

Rent-a-car lecturers

My dad gave me this piece of news from the newspaper and I read in awe that it actually made it to the front page of The Borneo Post on Friday, February 2, 2007:

(FULL NEWS HERE)

Source: The Borneo Post Online

And why the hell I did not even blink when reading this? Obviously, this sewa kereta thingy is not only happening here in Kuching, Sarawak. Heck, I bet all universities (read L-O-C-A-L-U-N-I-V-E-R-S-I-T-Y) are facing the same problem. In fact, I personally do not think that this is a problem at all.

In UUM, not only the lecturers renting out cars to students, some of the students themselves are renting out cars to desperate-to-go-out-but-don't-want-to-take-the-bus students here. The non-lecturer staff also doing the same thing. There was once when I was paying saman for returning overdue books at the library, upon scanning my metric card, a conversation between the staff and me followed:

Staff: Biasanye you pegi airpot pakai apa?
Clare: Tak tentu.
Staff: Nak kete tak?
Clare: Tengok keadaan. Kekadang pakai bas turun KL, pastu balik ikut KLIA.
*[Thinking: What the fuck am I doing here and tell him all that? And how the hell he knows I 'fly' back?]*
Staff: Kalo nak kete you bole call I
Clare: Oh, kete sapu ye?
Staff: *nodding*
Clare: Berape anta gi airpot?
Staff: RM35
Clare: Oh...You ade anta gi Jetty Kuala Perlis tak?
Staff: Ade. Nak gi Langkawi ye?
Clare: Ye. Berapa?
Staff: RM40
Clare: Mahal lah. Ari tu saye pegi pak cik tu charge RM35 je.
Staff: Sape tu?
Clare: Staff library jugak. Dia pakai Waja itam.
Staff: Oh, tu member I.

Then after the fine-paying process was completed, he handed me his handphone number 'just-in-case' I need transportation to the airport.

**(That is exactly how Malay language is spoken in UUM. I only speak like that in UUM, not back home because I don't really like the way Malay is spoken there. Not Bahasa Baku at all - I am patriotic, no? LOL!)

Half an hour later then I realized that he knew where I came from when reading my information in my metric card. *slap myself*

So, this is how the staff and lecturers managed to fish the unsuspecting customers. This is true because we never know when we are in desperate need for a car a.k.a. kereta sapu.

This is a very good business to invest in, better than investing in stock market. You can always gain money from renting out your Kancil. Business is usually at its peak during weekends i.e. Thursday, Friday and Saturday (Weekend in Kedah falls on Friday and Saturday, different time zone though). The rental range from RM5 per hour to RM60 per day, or RM40 for half a day according to your preference.

The condition of the rented Kancil isn't at its best. The fuel meter always purposely points at the 'Empty' sign even after you filled up the petrol. So, you never know how much petrol left in the tank or how much petrol is filled. Therefore, we have to grow some smart brain cells to assume and estimate the amount of petrol to fill based on our destination and also the condition of the Kancil. Some of the Kancil are modified and very fuel-consuming. These Kancil will sure enough end up in my blacklist forever. It takes an hour's journey from UUM to Alor Setar. Usually I pumped only RM15 for the whole to-and-from-and-around trip. The modified Kancil will, of course, consume more petrol.

Summore hor, since the pointer always points to 'Empty' a scene of si huey or mati engine, in short, stranded in the middle of nowhere is so common that we usually laughed our ass off when we drove past these poor chaps! LOL!!!

I have a whole list of handphone numbers of kereta sewa as well as kereta sapu in my phone book. They are all around the campus and off campus, owned by both staff and students. Even so, it is very hard to get a kereta sewa during weekends especially if you call every one of them in such short notice. Based on personal experience, all the kereta sewa is rented out during weekends. So, even if you are in desperate need of a car, you won't get one.

Anyone wanna partnership with me doing kereta-sapu-cum-kereta-sewa business???

Talk by US Ambassador in UUM

The United States and Malaysia in 2007:

Focusing on Political, Economic and Commercial Relations

by His Excellency Mr. Christopher J.LaFleur

United States Ambassador to Malaysia

Out of boredom galore (AGAIN!!!) I attended this talk given by a chao ang moh. So, he's from the states. BIG DEAL!!! I predicted that the Convention Hall would be half-filled since students from UUM always stay away from 'Talk Show' wan.

Well, because of typical Malaysian thought, I went a few minutes late because, again, I predicted Malaysians never start a function on time especially if there are VIP or VVIP as guest(s). When I entered the hall, this is what lied before me:

A hall FULL of students, lecturers, the press, etc!

The hall was so freezingly cold that I was practically shivering. Students were listening attentively to the ang moh talking

Two girls, obviously a Chinese (on the left) and a Malay (on the right) were caught dozzing off when the ang moh spoke. Probably couldn't understand what on earth he was talking about

This pic is blur (because I was shivering, not steady while holding the camera) Well, the guy sitting on the left is our university's Vice Chancellor and the guy next to him is another ang moh (the ambassador's kaki, i think)

Okay, enough of the hall. Now, the talk actually was about the GOOD relations between United States and Malaysia in many aspects like politics, economic, social, so-on-and-so-forth-I-don't-know-because-I-did-not-really-pay-any-attention-to-what-the-fuck-he-was-saying.

"Malaysia and US share interests in anti-terrorist bla bla bla..." was all I heard and also "95% of Dell laptops sold in the US of A is made of Malaysia" Sure bo? And he went on dilly dally yadda yadda about how good the relationship between Malaysia and US have. I went "WTF?!!" silently all the time and tried to keep myself from laughing out loud.

Then during the Q & A session, a lot of fucking assholes asked about the war on Iraq thingy. Most of the questions are stupid and they all basically were of the same zone! Boring! Then suddenly a lecturer (probably a Professor) went up the podium (to use the microphone only, not to punch the ang moh) and shoot the ang moh kao kao till his face also turned blue! LOL*

"I have TWO questions here. First, you America is a powerful country. And no doubt you're an influential country as well. But you broke the International Law by launching the war on Iraq!!! Being a role model to the world, you shouldn't break the international law but you did. Hopefully you have a good explanation for that."

The hall went noisy. Everybody was talking.

The professor continued, "Excuse me for my harshness but I think everyone present here would like to know the truth. And second, I don't think that your invasion in Iraq was to search for the weapon of mass destruction. You are actually setting up a base to prepare for the World War 3, aren't you?!!! I did not say that, a lot of Americans said that."

The ang moh diam diam for a while. Then he went "Now...now...bla bla bla" with all those tongue-twisting facts and the American accent. I did not pay attention to what he was saying though.

Well, this is the first time (and maybe the only time) that I attended a fully-English talk. Things are never English in UUM. Now you know why local university graduates scored only Band 1 and Band 2 in MUET is something to be PROUD of!!!

UUM - First Prepaid Bus Service System

"Universiti Utara Malaysia (UUM) has decided to abolish the fixed Bus Service Fee of RM42 per semester which was paid by all students. A new bus system will be introduced starting the new term early next year. This system is known as the Prepaid System..." (FULL VERSION)

Yeah, right. I heard that the actualy fee is RM75 per semester for the bus service. Now, where has the remaining RM33 gone? Maybe RM33 is a small amount, but UUM has more than 20, 000 students (I don't know about the exact figure, correct me if I am wrong). Get what I mean?

Well, the feedback? This is what I got (I couldn't find the link so I just put the whole thing here, bear with me ya!):

"23 JANUARI 2007

MAKLUMBALAS PELAJAR MENGENAI BAS

PRUUM ONLINE: RATA-RATA pelajar yang ditemui menyatakan rasa gembira dengan perkhidmatan bas kitaran kampus yang diswastakan.

Jika sebelum ini mereka seolah-olah wajib menggunakannya kerana sudah membayarnya, tetapi kini mereka mempunyai pilihan.

"Dulu, saya terpaksa untuk menaiki bas kerana bayaran telah dibuat mengikut semester dan dipotong terus daripada pinjaman yang diterima."

“Naik atau tidak, bas yang disediakan saya tetap perlu membayarnya. Mulai semester ini, saya boleh memilih kalau nak guna atau tidak,” kata pelajar Perakaunan semester tiga yang tinggal di Kolej Yayasan Al-Bukhary.

Seorang lagi pelajar dari Kolej Muamalat menyatakan terdapat ramai siswi dan siswa UUM kini mendapat teman dengan begitu mudah dan cepat kerana berpeluang untuk berjalan beriringan hampir setiap pagi.

“Saya mengenali teman saya yang dari YAB ketika saya dan dia sama-sama pulang dari kelas jam 5 petang. Dia dulu yang menegur saya."

“Sekarang ini, kami akan berjalan bersama-sama ke kuliah. Saya akan menunggu setiap pagi jam 7.10 minit kerana dia selalu bangun lewat untuk ke fakulti,” katanya.

Seorang pelajar dari Fakulti Pengajian Antarabangsa pula berpendapat, tambang 40 sen sekali menggunakannya menyebabkan ramai pelajar mula berjalan kaki dari kolej kediaman.

”Yang baiknya peluang berjalan kaki itu membolehkan kami berbual-bual lebih panjang. Sebelum ini, kehidupan macam kaku sahaja kerana di atas bas, tidak sempat untuk berbual-bual."

”Banyak juga rakan-rakan saya memilih untuk ke perpustakaan untuk lepak atau mengulangkaji pelajaran, sementara menunggu kelas pada petang itu,” katanya.

Seorang pelajar Bukit Kachi 1 berkata, kolej kediaman kini agak tenang waktu tengahari berbanding dengan semester lalu.

“Sebelum ini, saya selesa dan lebih senang pulang ke bilik di kolej kediaman tetapi kini saya cenderung memilih untuk berada di perpustakaan sahaja."

"Dengan memilih untuk berada di perpustakaan saya berpeluang mengulangkaji pelajaran dengan tenang. Selesai sahaja kelas saya terus bertapak ke perpustakaan dan mengulangkaji semula apa yang baru dipelajari tadi."

“Kalau dulu, habis sahaja kelas dan jika terdapat ‘gap’ bagi kelas seterusnya kami berebut-rebut mendapatkan bas untuk pulang ke kolej."

“Ketika berada di kolej tahu-tahu ajelah, lebih teruja untuk tidur sahaja daripada mengulangkaji pelajaran,” ujarnya.

Seorang pelajar baru pula berpendapat, beliau tidak menghadapi sebarang masalah berkaitan sistem perkhidmatan bas sekarang.

“Semuanya baik sahaja dan saya tidak nampak sebarang kesulitan serta kekangan yang terpaksa dihadapi,” katanya.

DARIPADA:

PEJABAT PERHUBUNGAN AWAM

UNIVERSITI UTARA MALAYSIA

TEL : 04-928 3006/3007/3013/3014

FAKS : 04-928 3016

E-MEL : prouum@uum.edu.my"

Of course, they only published what they think is rightful to be published, the media. By getting feedbacks from only those few students does not mean that the rest of the population here agree with what they are saying. I mean, out of 10 students I've met, 10 of them have something critical to say about the current bus service.

I mean, you see, before the prepaid service, we used to fight (berebut, like what a student commented above) to get onto the bus. And the buses are always so packed that the sardines in the can could actually find a lot of space available.

In the current prepaid system, we pay 40 cents for a trip to our desired destination. We expect a better service like a place to sit in the bus instead of standing the whole journey, regular picking and dropping off students, etc. But, NO! We are still packed to shame the sardines in the can, the number of students standing exceeds the number of those sitting, no bus available when there are a lot of students waiting at the bus stop, etc. Thus, a lot of us are late for classes.

"Why don't you go out early to catch the bus?"

It is still the same. There are only 3 buses to transport students from 3 residential colleges (that's my residential college area) and do you think they are enough? Even if we fight our way to get onto the bus, there are still a lot of students left, unable to get onto the bus.

Is this what we learn in university? The "survival of the fittest"?
(ie. the strongest get to fight his/her way onto the bus...)

DIKIR BARAT

The time is 12.01 midnight. Guess where I am? A hall at the nearby residential college where the nearest place I can get a wireless connection. It was peaceful and windy here.

Then suddenly...

Saw a herd of male of 'that quarter' crashed into this place and started making a hell lot of noises that I am very sure is going to wake the dead! The noise is called Dikir Barat. Actually I am not against Dikir Barat, a traditional Malay singing or dance (I'm not sure about this) with simple traditional musical instrument like kompang, cenang, gong and some other instruments that I do not know the name.

The herd of male pigs have been shouting (yes, shouting. Not singing) for the past half an hour and that irritated the hell outta me! I couldn't go somewhere else because this is the only damn place that is the nearest to my hostel I could access to a wireless connection.

Tell them to shut up? I wish I could. But I don't think my voice could be heard over all that noise. Goodness gracious me!!! Their noises could be heard over the border to Thailand! Even with my headphones planted to my ears at full blast also kalah teruk lah! My friend, Anne, suggested that I shouted at them, " QUIET!!! Dumb Dumb wants to speak to you!!!" ala Stoneage from The Night at the Museum. LOL!

I am not against the pigs doing dikir barat kah, kuda kepang kah, mak yong kah, ngajat kah (I bet they have no idea how to ngajat - Iban's traditional dance), break dance kah, what ever lah. Just don't do it in the middle of the night lah wei! Siao meh!

Yes, I know you are patriotic and loyal to the country by singing "Majulah Malaysia...Kita berjaya..." and "Keusahawanan...bla bla bla..." but singing in the middle of the night IN THE JUNGLE??? Puh-leezz! Go to Malaysian Idol lah! Maybe Paul can give you some sound advice that will get into that empty head of yours. After that, go back to where you belong, dikir barat-ing under the coconut tree for the coconut to drop onto your head and die on the spot!

Then, there will be peace to all mankind! LOL!

UUM Student Found Hanged

News travel faster than any form of wave. Heard this piece of news yesterday from a friend. SMSed my junior to verify the truth. Saw the news in the New Straits Times today under Nation page 21.

"VARSITY STUDENT FOUND HANGED

CHANGLUNG: A Universiti Utara Malaysia (UUM) student was found dead in a hostel toilet in Sintok here yesterday.

The body of 25-year-old final year economics student, Wong Soo Sun, was found at the Bukit Kachi 2 hostel with a track top tied around her neck.

Her body was sent to the Jitra Hospital for a post-mortem before being released to her family.

Police have ruled out foul play."

Source: New Straits Times, Tuesday, January 9, 2007

They misspelt the name of the place. It's supposed to be CHANGLUN without a G at the end. Heard also that this girl is from Johore and most probably due to stress, commited suicide. What a tragic ending for someone who almost graduate.

This is so sad, man. It happened so near where I am. But luckily the hostel is off campus, mine is in campus. It shocked the bones out of me because yesterday was only the second day of lessons. I don't think the lecturers have started to teach. Therefore there is nothing to be stressed about yet.

Well, people still talk about this news today. Lecturers even discussed it in their lectures and it has nothing to do with the subject they are teaching.

Dear Juniors

Dear JUNIORS,

For Christ's sake, please do not scream your heads off in the middle of the night over the corridors! Your seniors need some peaceful rests. Please be considerate! This is not your house. You might be quite free as there are not so much pressure yet but the seniors do! Screaming your heads off at each other is not considered a conversation, especially in the shower. Do you need to be so loud when you are taking bath next door to each other? Your noises could be heard over the border!

Besides, when a cockroach crossed your path, you won't have bad luck. Don't worry. And don't scream your lungs out too! The cockroach won't die from your scream but other people most probably will. You may squish it, stomp on it, pick it up, eat it, or whatever, I don't give a damn. Just don't scream at the sight of Mr Cockroach! It won't swallow you! You'll just wake the dead!

Do not be so inconsiderate when you hang your clothes to dry. The whole stretch of wire to hang our wet clothes is supposed to be mine as it is located outside my room. But you hang your clothes all over the place and hence there are no place for me to hang my own clothes. Besides, do you mind not to push aside my almost dried clothes to one side? It will be so hard to get the 'wrinkles' off the clothes. What if I do the same to your clothes? Again, this is not your house! You are lucky I did not throw your clothes down to the ground floor.

This is especially to the Malays, do not leave your used sanitary pad in the bathroom. It is so disgusting!!! Didn't your mother teach you? It was like shitting anywhere you like and leave the shit at that spot. Do you expect other people to pick your thing and throw it for you??? Is this what 20-year-olds supposed to do? Come on! Who are you reserving your sanitary pad for?

Peace on all mankind. Time to grow up, y'all!

Love,

Yours truly