A letter: This is how most of UUM student will write

Dear Ah Lian,

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.

You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok poperly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week he take I, Muthu and few of his friend to May Nonel to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye...

Worm regard,

Ah Beng
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Now tell me, who will want to hire people who write like THAT?!!! Not surprisingly, a lot of them are unemployed because they made a fool of themselves during job interviews. And yet the lecturers/vive-chancellors/officers from public universitites are still barking up the wrong tree, i.e. form a committee to look into the problem, come up with brilliant ideas to SOLVE the problem, cancel the whole idea when it didn't work, follow other countries' education system, etc.

Look at the quality of students nowadays. They are seriously deteriorating! No, the ministry obviously IS doing something about it and millions of ringgit has been spent to form a committee/look into problem/propose ideas/change system to follow other countries'.

In a nutshell, I only have two words to describe about the whole thing: WRONG APPROACH!

Sorry lor! Satisfied?

"Mana ada bocor? Batu Gajah pun bocor tiap-tiap bulan juga."

They apoligized to all Malaysian women. Ah, well, we know how some politicians are. If they were quoted or heard to say something offensive, there are only two things that they will do, generally. First, defend themselves like nobody's business and blame the media for 'misunderstanding' or 'misquote' them. The main thing is die die also don't want to admit mistakes. Second of all, apologize due to popular demand WITH self-defense AND blaming the media because 'that was not what they meant.'

In this bocor case, they did the second. How they apologize due to popular demand? Hold press conference or the likes and say sorry after everyone was pissed at the remarks that they made. Go back and sleep, wait for tomorrow morning's paper to see their faces on the front page of every newspaper in the country. Everybody happy, they are trouble-free. Self-defense you said? Of course! The lampar are bigger than the brain, you know. I quote:

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"Bung Mokhtar and Mohd Said however maintained that they were merely carrying out their duty as Barisan MPs in defending the Government against 'the Opposition's unfounded claims'."

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Hmmm...meaning they were just saying that to defend the government? They were being the heroes here? They are loyal and patriotic. They should be honoured, no? Ok, enough said. Next! Blame the media because that's not what they meant. Contradiction, contradiction. I quote again:

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"...some of the Barisan MPs might have gone overboard but there was no intention to insult women..."

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Sigh! Enough of those two lah. See the face also I tulan. People who insult women don't deserve to live because they indirectly insult their own mother. This applies to everyone.

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"I would like to categorically state that sexism in any form, by words or action, by men or women, whether in Parliment made by elected representatives of both Government and Opposition or indeed anywhere else in this country, is not acceptable." -Shahrizat-

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*standing ovation* (Full news here)

They should watch us doing Parlimentary debate. We are not supposed to make any personal attacks or name names when debating. But we are allowed to talk on sensitive issues EDUCATIONALLY. When doing rebuttal, we must have supporting facts. We don't go and insult people's mother during rebuttals. However, the REAL Parlimentary debate has gotten the world laughing at us. Tsk tsk tsk!

My grandpa used to say about the chao ah bengs polluting the streets today, "If they behave well, they will be politicians already, why still scattered around the streets and annoyed the hell out of us?"

Well, watching all the dramas in the Parliment today, I realized my grandpa was being sarcastic!

Enough said. It's Saturday anyway. Going off work soon! YAY!!!

This is kinda late but, hey, WELCOME TO MALAYSIA though!

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to Malaysia!

Before you come to Malaysia, or if you do not know where on earth Malaysia is, fear not! I am most happy to lead you for a brief moment, touring around Malaysia. As far as I am concerned, very few people on the streets of New York or London could point to Malaysia on a map much less name its prime minister or capital city. But do not worry thanks to Malaysia's tame media and the bravado of former prime minister Mahathir Mohammad that we are convinced that we are now in the eyes of the world.

Forget Disneyland, forget bungee-jumping, forget Neverland. For thrill and excitement, Malaysia is THE place for you. Fly with our national airline, The Malaysia Airlines (MAS)

or our budget airline, Air Asia

Now everybody can fly!

for the thrill rides of your life. Feast your ears with the fake ang moh used by the captain when making announcements:

"Good evening? this is your captain Rashid speaking? we are now flying at thee speed of xx mach? we are now at thee xxx feet above sea level? thee temperature in KL is xx degrees celcius? thee weather is xxx? we are expected to land in xx minutes? dinner will be served in a short while? thank you?"

or

"This is your captain Rashid speaking? we've just landed? at thee KL International Airport? on behalf of thee cabin crews? I'd like to thank you all? for flying with Malaysia Airlines? we hope to see you soon? good night?"

If that is not torturing enough to your ears, worry not. Now before landing make sure that you grip the seat tightly. The touchdown of the airplane on the runway will guarantee to give you more than a heart attack!

Not exciting enough? Never mind. When you arrive at the arrival hall, take a taxi to your desired destination instead of asking your friends to fetch you. Why? Because some clowns in the country said that taxi fares are among the lowest in the region.

That is if you can find a taxi driver who does not ask, "Pergi mana? Ampang ah? Tak boleh, jam la" or "Pegi KLCC? RM40" for a RM10 ride on the meter. Get into that taxi and you will have the ride of your life on a Malaysian highway. A taxi driver who thinks he Drift King or pretend to be one will sure give you the hair-rising ride.

After a while, you will see the Petronas Twin Towers, the tallest building in the world which Malaysians are very proud of. Only God knows why. You see, we had little to do with these towers, though. The money for them came out of the ground and the engineering was contracted out to South Korean companies. We do not even run the shopping centre that is beneath these towers. That is handled by Australia's Westfield. Malaysia Boleh!

Picture courtesy of The New Straits Time

See this round thing? It is called Eye on Malaysia, a copycat version of Eye on London. But when I passed by the ferris wheel at Kuala Lumpur's Taman Tasik Titiwangsa, I concluded that it does not fit the name Eye on Malaysia at all! When you are up there, all you see is Kuala Lumpur, not Malaysia!!! Does that ring any bell? Enough said.

Enough of sight-seeing? Now for the action-packed comedy live shows, try driving around the Pearl of the Orient around midnight. I am sure you won't be disappointed. Live show casting Malaysian police force ala NYPD chasing after hundreds of Mat Rempit with only ONE Proton Waja are entertaining enough. You will laugh your ass off at the sight of that.

Not entertaining enough, eh? Laugh till you drop rolling on the floor for this piece: Our government is actually spending millions of our money to send some joker into space to play batu seremban, paint batik and make teh tarik all just to see how these things can be done without gravity. Yes, people still talk about THIS! Well, at least that provided the entire world with laughs and put Malaysia on the map!

Malaysia is uniquely "Truly Asia". Attend a parliamentary session and watch some clowns in action and you will know what I mean. Do not stiffle that laughter. We do have the best sense of humour in the world. This is the best live scriptless comedy show on earth.

Come and see as well as experience for yourself the uniqueness of Malaysia. The best experience of your life guaranteed ONLY IN MALAYSIA!