Kampua Talk: The BEST movie I've ever watched!

Kampua Talk

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The BEST movie I've ever watched!

I Don't Want To Sleep Alone

Despite the overall ratings of 4.5 stars from Cinema Online, this movie suck like nobody's business! I was itchy-assed and suggested we watch this movie last night and felt nothing but CHEATED! We paid RM10 each to watch some prominent landmark of Malaysia (read that as KL!), the typical attitude of Malaysians and above all, a mute movie! I thought I went into the wrong hall because I did not notice any deaf people in the hall. Yes, you read it right, NO conversation at all throughout the entire 2 hours of the movie!

This movie does not have an enlightening opening. It starts off with an agonisingly long shot of a semiconcious boy on a hospital bed lying as still as the stone staring at nothing particular from morning till evening. This is then followed by a shot of a dumb and stupid looking girl and equally stupid and rugged-looking guy staring idiotic-ly at a cook frying some meat/vegetable/mee. Later the scene switched to a crowd of people at a back alley of somewhere with a Malay guy trying to con the crowd for their money.

"Saya kasi sama lu dua nombor lah. Esok pasti keluar punya. Gerenti!" And the crowd of Bangla, Indian, Malay, Chinese, etc bodoh-ly pay him some money and went off. The Malay conman and his people would beat up anyone who does not want to pay. Oh, did I mention this movie has no conversation? I think the only conversation happened in the crowd.

This movie also potrays the level of poverty that a lot of people are experiencing but never known to us. I thought the focus of this movie is on the stinking tilam that some guys brought back and with that flea-infested tilam, I learnt some ridiculous things by paying RM10.

Here's the spoiler/ridiculous things:
  • When carrying a huge and heavy fleas-infested tilam, you get your friends to carry it with you over your heads from one side of the town to the other. The scene of carrying the tilam passing by Pudu jail kept repeating!
  • Wash the dirty tilam by hand - scrubbing at area of only 50cm square on the tilam with a brush and some soap and a few scoops of water. (It is a heavy, thick and huge tilam, mind you)
  • When there is haze and you are too stingy to buy a mask, you can either use disposable bowls with string attached to it (I almost fell of my chair laughing) or hanging a plastic bag around your face so that you can breath (I literally rolled on the floor laughing my ass off!)
  • Do not order you coffee (or any drinks, for that matter) to be delivered to your office during tea breaks. Some guy passing by might have grabbed you coffee and drank a few sips before running off. Or the coffee might have spilt onto the tray and to avoid the hustle of going back to get a new one, the delivery girl/boy could just pour the liquid back into your cup! Yucks!
  • You can torture anyone who is semiconcious/comatose/vegetable who is under your care i.e. by brushing his/her teeth as if you are brushing a donkey's ass, scrubbing his/her head as if you are scrubbing the dirty toilet floor when shampooing, etc.
  • Anyone who is in the vegetative state would be molested by his/her mother/father or other people anytime.
  • You can fish at the puddle of water in an abandoned building opposite Pudu jail. (see picture above)
  • You drink condensed milk before having sex. And by spitting the condensed milk into her mouth is a turn on. (NOT! Yikes~!)
  • You'll have asthma attack when having sex when the haze swept the country. This could be cured by using the end of the guy's jeans to cover your nose.
  • You get to screw the lady-boss of the girl you love also. She's the one who stalked you into the back alley and seduced you anyway.
  • It is no big deal for a guy to love a girl AND the guy who saved your arse at the same time as well as to share the tilam with both of them!
  • The guy who saved your arse will not have the heart to kill you with the used condensed milk tin and later cry like a sissy because he loves you as well.
Laughters could be heard throughout the movie when it came to the ridiculous scenes I've just mentioned. Towards the end of the movie, when the scene was focused on the water in the abandoned building for what seemed like eternity, I could hear the audience laughing and giggling. I laughed too. But I did not know what the hell we were laughing at! Obviously not at the water because there ain't anything funny about that.

When the lights came on, the hall errupted into a round of applause and laughter! I do not know why but I applauded and laughed with them. If you intend to watch this movie, better save those bucks to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3 or Transformer.

This is the WORST film ever!!! 4.5 stars my arse! Pirates of the Caribbean 3 only get 4 stars?!!! Stay far far from the movie. Not worth watching. No lesson to be learnt except that some directors are attempting too hard to be different and they failed miserably. A movie with no plot is like Superman without the red underwear on the outside.



Blogger Wuching said...

no nice ah? go ask for money back lor..

10:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh geee.... Clare, what is the title of this movie? It sounds absurd and ridiculous. Maybe the producer was trying to portray the most unrealistic scenes in Malaysia in a more convincing way... Haha.. anyway, poor you, I can just imagined the audience sitting in the dark cinema trying to come up with the most brilliant idea on how to screw the bozos behind the scenes for producing such a movie. But heck, what if they win some prize in the Cannes festival? LOL!


6:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oooops sorry, so it's called "I don't want to sleep alone?" Haha, will surf for this movie online. See what is it all about. Haha. Seriously, I don't know it's produced by Malaysians. Didn't hear anything about the production of this movie.


6:31 PM  
Blogger CLare said...

wuching - you think this is Australia meh? No such policy here lor...:(

Anne - The synopsis in the Cinema Online website sounded so convincing, I thought this would be a good movie since they rated it 4.5 stars (Pirates of the Caribbean 3 was rated 4 stars only). Waste my money only watch this baseless and ridiculous movie. The director maybe wanna be smart but he seemed to assume that everyone has the same thinking as him. Sigh~!!

9:42 PM  

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