This is kinda late but, hey, WELCOME TO MALAYSIA though!

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to Malaysia!

Before you come to Malaysia, or if you do not know where on earth Malaysia is, fear not! I am most happy to lead you for a brief moment, touring around Malaysia. As far as I am concerned, very few people on the streets of New York or London could point to Malaysia on a map much less name its prime minister or capital city. But do not worry thanks to Malaysia's tame media and the bravado of former prime minister Mahathir Mohammad that we are convinced that we are now in the eyes of the world.

Forget Disneyland, forget bungee-jumping, forget Neverland. For thrill and excitement, Malaysia is THE place for you. Fly with our national airline, The Malaysia Airlines (MAS)

or our budget airline, Air Asia

Now everybody can fly!

for the thrill rides of your life. Feast your ears with the fake ang moh used by the captain when making announcements:

"Good evening? this is your captain Rashid speaking? we are now flying at thee speed of xx mach? we are now at thee xxx feet above sea level? thee temperature in KL is xx degrees celcius? thee weather is xxx? we are expected to land in xx minutes? dinner will be served in a short while? thank you?"

or

"This is your captain Rashid speaking? we've just landed? at thee KL International Airport? on behalf of thee cabin crews? I'd like to thank you all? for flying with Malaysia Airlines? we hope to see you soon? good night?"

If that is not torturing enough to your ears, worry not. Now before landing make sure that you grip the seat tightly. The touchdown of the airplane on the runway will guarantee to give you more than a heart attack!

Not exciting enough? Never mind. When you arrive at the arrival hall, take a taxi to your desired destination instead of asking your friends to fetch you. Why? Because some clowns in the country said that taxi fares are among the lowest in the region.

That is if you can find a taxi driver who does not ask, "Pergi mana? Ampang ah? Tak boleh, jam la" or "Pegi KLCC? RM40" for a RM10 ride on the meter. Get into that taxi and you will have the ride of your life on a Malaysian highway. A taxi driver who thinks he Drift King or pretend to be one will sure give you the hair-rising ride.

After a while, you will see the Petronas Twin Towers, the tallest building in the world which Malaysians are very proud of. Only God knows why. You see, we had little to do with these towers, though. The money for them came out of the ground and the engineering was contracted out to South Korean companies. We do not even run the shopping centre that is beneath these towers. That is handled by Australia's Westfield. Malaysia Boleh!

Picture courtesy of The New Straits Time

See this round thing? It is called Eye on Malaysia, a copycat version of Eye on London. But when I passed by the ferris wheel at Kuala Lumpur's Taman Tasik Titiwangsa, I concluded that it does not fit the name Eye on Malaysia at all! When you are up there, all you see is Kuala Lumpur, not Malaysia!!! Does that ring any bell? Enough said.

Enough of sight-seeing? Now for the action-packed comedy live shows, try driving around the Pearl of the Orient around midnight. I am sure you won't be disappointed. Live show casting Malaysian police force ala NYPD chasing after hundreds of Mat Rempit with only ONE Proton Waja are entertaining enough. You will laugh your ass off at the sight of that.

Not entertaining enough, eh? Laugh till you drop rolling on the floor for this piece: Our government is actually spending millions of our money to send some joker into space to play batu seremban, paint batik and make teh tarik all just to see how these things can be done without gravity. Yes, people still talk about THIS! Well, at least that provided the entire world with laughs and put Malaysia on the map!

Malaysia is uniquely "Truly Asia". Attend a parliamentary session and watch some clowns in action and you will know what I mean. Do not stiffle that laughter. We do have the best sense of humour in the world. This is the best live scriptless comedy show on earth.

Come and see as well as experience for yourself the uniqueness of Malaysia. The best experience of your life guaranteed ONLY IN MALAYSIA!