Why local universities products are full of SHIT?

Memo to all students:

In order to assure the highest level of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. that you can handle.

Students who do not take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they do not have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURER LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.).

Sincerely,
The Director Under the Malaysia Bureau of Super High Intensity Teaching (The D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.)

Bank for all

Why is it every time when you are in urgent need of some cash, the ATM machine is either out of service or out of cash? Murphy's Law is being obeyed again like the law of gravitational force. In other words, Murphy's Law is simply saying that SHIT DOES HAPPEN in a more gentle and long-winded way.

Speaking of bank, here was a conversation between Alvin and his dad at Damai Resort:

Uncle: ...now they come up with this CIMB.

Alvin: Yalah, last time people had this mentality that Bumiputera Commerce is for bumiputeras only. Do you know what CIMB stands for?

Uncle: Commerce International Merchant Bankers (CIMB) Bhd.
Alvin: No! CIMB stands for Chinese Indian Malay Bank.
Uncle: ................*speechless*
Alvin: Chinese, Indian, Malay all can use this bank. Not only bumiputera, you know...
Uncle: Hahahahahahahahhahahahha!!!

Your Engrand so the very powder, I don't understanding

*Groan*

Alright, alright, I know, I know. This topic has been my latest obsession to reason unknown. I am being my usual mean self again. When I looked into the mirror just now, I can literally see two horns on my head and a cunning smile on my face. LOL~!

**The incidents mentioned were all true stories and names has not been changed to purposely poke fun at the parties involved.

Here are some of the main characters in most of the incidents that I'm about to mention:

Vivien

Shirley

and yours truly

Incident #1: (During a debate competition)

In her opening speech,
Vivien: A very good morning/evening to Madam Speakers, de opposites sides and de governments sides and de ladies and gentleman...
Clare: *slaps head*

Incident #2: (During a debate competition)

During her speech on the banning of homosexuality in sex education in school,
Vivien: ...in sex education at school we usually not teaching about how to doing sexing activities...
Clare: *winced* [whispered to Fazlin, the first speaker] What the hell was that???
Fazlin: [whispered back] Shh...never mind. Learning...learning...*smile*
Vivien: ...homosexolidy must be ban because its somettings that will confusing teenagers...
Clare: *barely alive* [whispered to Fazlin] You do the reply speech, I am having a 'culture shock' here...
Fazlin: Haha! Ok!
Vivien: And about de Jessie Chung and Joshua marriage, de opposites sides saids that de marriage is legal but de marriage is NOT registered!

Incident #3: (On the way back to UUM)

The President was telling a joke,
Fatehah: There was this debate where the Chairlady called the house to order...
The rest of us: Uh huh...
Fatehah: ...and there was this guy, a debator, raised his hand and said "Teh tarik satu"...
The rest of us: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....!!! (for the next 10 minutes)

After that everybody was chatting away for approximately 10 minutes until...
Shirley: Hey, hey, GUYS! Listen! I have something to tell you!
The rest of us: ...yadda yadda yadda...
Shirley: Guys! Listen to me for three seconds...!
The rest of us: Yes?
Shirley: FATEHAH IS STILL EXPLAINING TO VIVIEN ABOUT THE TEH TARIK JOKE!!!
The rest of us: *turned to look at them and...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!!! (for another 10 minutes)

After the 10 minutes laughter, we kept quiet to hear the last part of the explanation given by Fatehah,
Fatehah: ...and the guy ordered a teh tarik lah...
Vivien: [monotonous] Like dat also can ah...~?
The rest of us: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA...!!!

*wiping away tears*

Never in my life I've laughed so hard! As much as they annoy the hell out of me, sometimes people with the Engrish level very the powder really make my day. SALUTE~!!! Champion lah, I tell you. She is the Champion lah~!

Some people are so clever, I don't know what they are trying to say...

I was blogging and chatting per usual in the computer lab when I let my eyes wandered while waiting for some pages to load with the oh-so-slow connection. My eyes stopped at the monitor of the computer on my right. A Malay girl was there doing her assignment. But the thing that she typed into her assignment caught my attention and being my usual mean self, I couldn't help but quote some of her masterpiece to be shared with the rest of the world.

Her masterpiece was too precious not to be revealed. It would be viewed only by her lecturer, I presumed, which would be such a waste, don't you think? Somehow, with slight difficulty, I managed to quote a few sentences that I found amusing because they caught me jaw hanging open.

She started off with "My Biography" under which she described about herself:

"My name is xxxxxxxx binti xxxxxx. I'm from aaaaaaa, live at bbbbbb. I'm studying since I'm 5 years old at XXX kindergarden. I'm studying at SRK XXXX and SMK XXXX. "

"I like to eat fruits because its good for our healthy."

"My favourite novels XXX, YYY and Bicara Hati because the story very feeling for myself..."

"My hobbies is listening the radio, ..."

I stopped right there and then because I couldn't contain my laughter.

She concluded this section with a:
"About me, I'm friendly persons, disiplin and like make joking with my friends."

Next came the "My Family" section where I couldn't see very well after the sentence:
"My sister is 8 years old and she still stydy..."

because my eyes were tearing for laughing too much after reading the first section.

When describing about the course she's taking, which I presumed as Communication, she said:

"The communication I enjoyed it and its was a very interesting subject..."

For the final section which was "My Dreams", I only managed to catch glimpse of this:
"I hope after I'm graduated, I can help our society to forward..."
because I almost dropped myself from the chair with uncontrolled laughter.

What the hell were all THAT??? Somebody KILL ME!!!

Pardon me for being mean, I couldn't help it! I don't mean to humiliate her in a way or another in this post or any other posts to come. This is just to enlighten those who are still in the dark, that a lot of university students especially those from the university I am currently in, are still using this kind of English. Their level of English, I tell you, *shakes head*. When they read from prepared text, you'd feel like vomiting blood and hope that someone will just throw you off the building. I'm serious!

Now do you still wonder why unemployment rate among graduates is sky-high in this country???

*None of the words or spelling of the quotes have been changed.

Together Gather Party: How to say F*ck Off properly

This was taken by Kid Chan (The Most Sought-After Wedding Photographer in Malaysia) at the Bloggers Together Gather Party on Friday night and I so happened to be sitting at the next table to witness and laughed my ass off when watching Kimberlycun getting high on helium:

Video courtesy of Kidchan via YouTube

Adorable, isn't it???

Trapped Balls? OUCH!!!

Someone gave me this and it actually cracked me up!!!
Hahahhahahahhaha!!!

Have a nice and relaxing weekend everyone!

Correct Lubbish?

I flew from Alor Setar to Sibu via Air Asia yesterday since there are no more flight via MAS.

This is the plane I took from Alor Setar to KL:

The plane departed on time. 8.35am. No delay. So I reached KL at 9.30am happily.

When I was in KL, I received an SMS from Air Asia announcing the retiming of my next flight from 6.35pm to 8.40pm. I went WTF?!!! 2 HOURS DELAY??!!! But then I had something on so I did not mind about the delay though.

Behold!!! This is the plane that flew me from KL to Sibu. This plane is NEW! Everything in it is new. The leather seat, the carpet, the smell! I thought this plane is COOL until came this announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, to ensure the cleanliness of the cabin, the cabin crews will help to correct lubbish from you. Thank you."

CORRECT LUBBISH?????

ROTFLMAO!!!!

But the captain's announcement really made me respect him lar:

"Ladiesandgentlemen, wearegoingthroughabadweathernow, pleasereturntoyourseatsandfastenyourseatbelts. Thankyou."

*salute* I'm lovin' it!!!

That was one heck of a teatime love bite

* speechless *

Moral of the story:
Do not leave a woman hungry during tea time...

WUAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

Discover what it takes to survive an Epic Movie

Trailer courtesy of YouTube

Behind the twisted minds of two writers of Scary Movie, the marriage of the biggest mega-blockbusters was brought to life.

A clever mixture of Da Vinci Code, Nacho Libre, Snakes On Plane, X Men, Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, Narnia, Pirates of the Carribean, Harry Potter, Superman, etc would definitely bear some laughter among the audience.

The trailer looks fuckingly funny. LOL!

Can't wait to watch it! Movie, anyone?

We No Po(r)k At All

This is so very funny! The best wan ever! Don't believe me? Listen to this yourself lor.

Video courtesy of YouTube

NO POK I TELL YOU, LATER I CALL POLICE!!!

HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

***To my readers who couldn't open this video, obviously YouTube has removed the video due to some complains. I mean, they just don't have the sense of humour!! This is supposed to be funny, man! Like Alvin said, people tend to take religion seriously...Killjoy only!!!

Well, on the lighter side, you can ask me for the video because I downloaded it before it was removed!!! Now, look who's laughing!!! Huahahaha!!!

This is damn funny, man!

NTU lecturer shares funny teaching feedback survey results

Video courtesy of YouTube

ROTFLMAO!!!!

If all my lecturers are like that, the world would be a much better place to live in!!! And if our students are as witty and could come up with something at least half of that, we can proudly chant the annoying "Malaysia Boleh" slogan, and by that time it won't be as irritating, no?

You know what? There would be a very long way to go for Malaysian. We can't even think outside the BOX, that is why we wear the SQUARE hat during graduation!

Mat Rempit Not So Furious

Mat Rempit Not So ...

Song courtesy of Esnips

ROTFLMAO!!!

I got this song from Foo Kiat's Blog. It is so funny that you should listen to it. This Manglish (Malaysia English) version of Tokyo Drift is not sung by Teriyaki Boys but by some JJ&Rudy. I could not agree more with Foo Kiat as he put it, "this is the stupidest song I've ever heard."

In my humble opinion, if they attempted to curb Mat Rempit problem with this kind of song, they failed one hell of a BIG time! It is no wonder more and more Mat Rempits emerging out of nowhere.

Now don't let me bore you with details of this Mat Rempit thing, just click over and listen to the song (especially the lyrics) and laugh your ass off!!

Bo Bui Gai Wak

The not-so-latest Jackie Chan caper Rob-B-Hood starring himself, Louis Ku and Baby Matthew is a must watch for the season!

I got to watch it on the first day of showing in GSC, Gurney Plaza in Penang when I accidentally came across the poster upon entering the shopping complex with my best friend, KC. He then suggested that we watched it. The queue wasn't that long so finally we bought the ticket. Lucky for us that it was a Friday and we brought along our student card. Thus we get an RM5.00 for the movie!!! The normal price was RM10.00!!!

Jackie Chan played a compulsive gambler named Thongs and Louis Ku played ladies' man Octopus. They will steal anything to support their addictions to gambling and the good life. The film started with the two stealing medicine from a hospital. This turned into the best scene to start a film as the two switch from stealing medicine to rescuing a baby (Baby Matthew) plucked from the arms of his mother by her ex-boyfriend, Max.

Thongs and Octopus usually get their assignments from their landlord (Michael Hui), now set to retire with a safe full of cash and a delusional wife clutching a baby doll as if it's their real infant, who died years earlier. But when the landlord is robbed, he convinces his reluctant associates on a kidnapping job expected them to land on a huge sum of money!

The target is the same baby the boys rescued earlier. Thongs and Octopus wind up looking after the baby, resulting in the usual gags that appeal to audience for whom the mere sight of a gurgling infant elicits smiles. By the time the dynamic duo is forced to hand over the bundle of joy to Max's Triad boss father, they've developed a bond too paternalistic to permit any harm upon baby Matthew.

Isn't he adorable?

I think I'm hopelessly in love with Baby Matthew!!!